It seems life ...

It seems that the life that we have hoped for and how we perceived it was all wrong after all, doesn't it?

Well, at least i hoped this life to be more fun and happy. With each year it is proving to be misleading belief. Of course now and then i feel extremely happy and overall i would rate it OK, but still there is something missing or at least stability of happiness and satisfaction seems to almost impossible to achieve.

I have been raised on belief that life depended on loving, caring, friendship, sincerity etc. but definitely not on money or material possessions. However, after 30 years of living, i think i got it all wrong. Definitely above definition is true in family surroundings, but beyond that, even at close relative level like uncle, niece etc., it just doesn't matter anymore. "Everyone for themselves". That us the golden rule. Why would people misguide their children and teach and raise them on empty hopes and beliefs? I'm not saying that all people are bad or liars, or its so hard to find love and care, but we have to admit loving, caring, true friendships are hard to maintain and gruesome experience to keep them at high level. "True love exists only between parents and children". I have read something like this somewhere, and i was wondering if it was true. Now i can say that 90% of this statement is definitely true. Myself, haven't found true romantic love yet, so leaving out that 10% just in case ;)

My personal experience dictates to my brain that my parents definitely love me. My child loves me. I have only few good friends, with half of which i don't really share my personal life. It is hard for me to define true and best friendship. Do my colleagues care for me? Do many friends truly love me? Does someone like "a cute guy" will love me?

Bottom line from my recent events shows that people do not remember nice things you have done for them. How you supported them, how you made them happy, how you been through happiness and sadness together. One remembers the last mischief, how you hurt them, or how you said or done something that made them mad. How you acted, etc. Just try to remember the last time you have argued, or broken up, or simply had a fight. Have they remembered before or during the quarrel, how you were nice or done something for them? If not, how can they love me or you?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Certificate to love

One day two friends were talking..

One said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

Evolution: Mongolia

There is a concept of evolution drawn by Charles Darwin. It is universally accepted view that via evolution "species" evolve, based on the environment, needs, etc. It is a change results from interactions between processes that introduce variation into a population, and other processes that remove it. Despite organic evolution, this concept is applied throughout different spheres, be it technical, mental, or economic.
Mongolia is not an exclusion from concept of evolution. It has been evolving over many thousand years since its inception. Mongolians were evolving as earliest nomads, weird shamans, barbaric warriors, imitators of Soviet empire, inexperienced democrats, and crazy capitalists. My minuscule knowledge wouldn't be enough to summarize true and all evolutionary steps of Mongolia and its citizens. However, I'm trying to summarize evolution of Mongolia and its people for the last 20 years through my eyes.

I was born in 1980 in Moscow. Don't remember anything from that period, where my parents were students for 4 years. I guess, number of "comrades" of our age would tell the similar story, as it was popular for Mongolians to study in Russia. It was "almost West, most developed economy" for us. From tales told by our parents and grandparents, it was best period to live within Soviet empire. If you had education, your job would be ready for you when you graduate. After working 3-5 years for State, you would "earn" free apartment with 1 or 2 bedrooms, depending on the size of the family. Child education was free, safe, and best possible. Health sector was booming with help from Soviet brothers and it was free to everyone. One had constant salary, provided housing, free education, health treatment. What could you ask more?

I was lucky to finish one of the best schools in that period, No. 23, which was Russian school up until early 1990's. Russian was taught from the preparatory grade and Mongolian was introduced only in 3rd grade. Even now, I understand some concepts better in Russian or English than in Mongolian. Many people from our generation was raised on the leftovers of Russian influence. Language, culture, views... I can still remember a part from old Russian hymn, whereas I don't know any words to hymn of Mongolia. Regrettable.

"Wind of Change" have been blowing to Mongolia since 1990. At that time, we were 4th grade student. All our subjects were now taught in Mongolian. Many Russian teachers were evacuated from UB. I remember our classmates used to make fun of our new Mongolian teachers, over their weird accents, as they tried to teach in Russian. We were cruel kids. We are the generation fortunate enough to see and experience both regimes: socialism and capitalism, and unfortunate enough to be ripped apart by sudden changes in everything that surrounded us. We are byproduct of unexpected evolution.

It has been 20 years since that dramatic change and people say Mongolia is still in transition period. No one knows how long will be this transition and when it will end. Are we transiting now?

In the 1990s, Mongolia looked up to economies, other than Russia, as it was left in ruins. We copied and pasted our Constitution from US, other laws and regulations from Western societies. Nothing was left from old regime, except old houses, closed factories, and Russian cars. Odd mix of new Western identity with old Mongolian tradition was flourishing.

We have seen many good and bad outcomes from the last "democratic evolution." People's minds were not prepared to loose their free and provided livelihood. Sudden change from Utopian state to complete chaotic and capitalist society was not easy on many people. Many have become alcoholics, unemployed, and simply poor. We were not used to working like asses and getting paid for what we have accomplished. It was odd having to pay for education and health treatments. Even now, many want that social benefits to exist like in socialism era.

Capitalism have brought to Mongolia Hollywood movies, Western cars, idea of private property, cellular phones, internet, poverty vs wealth, English language, new technologies, etc. 15 years ago it was almost unimaginable for ordinary one to have a car and a cellular phone, such that I made a wish to have all that when I grow up. Nowadays, almost every family, if not everyone, have mobile phone. Most households in UB are hooked up to internet. Almost, no one drive Russian cars anymore. English is so popular that ordinary people swear using f... and sh.. words.

You might say that UB (more than 1.5 mln people out of whole population of 2.7 mln live in capital city) is not the whole country and I'm omitting people in the countryside. Things have changed in the countryside too. Now, they have TVs, satellite dish, some have wireless internet, but lifestyle haven't changed that much. Most of the nomads as they were 20 years ago. However, livestock is now owned by herders not State.

All in all, evolution was kicking in Mongolia many times throughout its history. When in 13th century, when we were conquering half of the planet, in late 19th century, where we defeated the Chinese (Manju) army and declared our independence. It once more kicked our butts in late 20th century, where we embraced democracy and welcomed capitalism. Now, I feel that it will do its trick again very soon, making Mongolia either Saudi Arabia or Africa of Asia, depending on steps we take further on with our rich natural resources.

Women's role in religion

Recently attended a "recital" at Tugs Bayasgalant monastery. It was a unique experience for me, as I have never been to women's monastery before. So used to male voices of monks, I was pleasantly surprised. Totally new religious experience that brought me to think about Mongolian women in religious context. For how long women have been active in religion, what are they roles, and how are we compared to different religions.

It's been said that Mongolia have adopted the Buddhism since 13th century. Since then it has been the main religion for majority of Mongolians. Prior to this adoption, we had Shamanism as main source for our spiritualism. Even then, women had special role in religious content. There were female shamans, female monks in times of Buddhism.

Obviously, there are nuns within Christianity and related religions. However, if I'm not mistaken, they were helpers, assistants, and teachers in religious schools. There were never high ranked priest women in Western society.

Whereas, it was common for a woman to be high ranked religious official in Mongolia. Nowadays, there are special monasteries in Mongolia that house female only monks. What I'm trying to say is that no matter of form of religion, women in Mongolian culture had special power, recognition and respect, which for us, women, is a great news.

I'm not trying to say that some religions are good and some are bad. Just from simple observation, it seems that being women in some religion is less fortunate than for others. For example, compared to Muslims, being Buddhist woman is totally different experience. In Middle East, women are even not allowed to pray together with men. They have to stand in the back behind special curtains, walls, or even go to special mosque. So, I believe, women have much more religious freedom in Mongolia, be it practicing or just worshiping.

Little more on Tugs Bayasgalant monastery:

Tögs bayasgalant is one of the three Buddhist Women’s centres in Ulaanbaatar. This temple was founded in October, 1990, on the initiation of Bakula Rinpoche, the former ambassador of India to Mongolia and founder of Betüw monastery in Ulaanbaatar. The head of the temple is N. Gantömör. Apart from the head of the community, the temple has two chanting masters (unzad) and a disciplinary master (gesgüi), there are no other ranks.
The women in this monastery wear traditional Mongolian women’s dresses during the ceremonies. They are also allowed to wear long hair arranged in various styles, and to use make-ups and wear jewels such as earrings. Since the old times, female lamas or female practitioners who grow their hair have been called khandmaa in Mongolian. All the women in Tögs bayasgalant temple wear a special white khadag worn across the left shoulder, which substitutes for the orkhimj (scarf worn over the left shoulder) of the lama robe.

Source: Survey of Active Buddhist Temples in Ulaanbaatar

iPhone mania

Been in craze with iPhone for a long time now. Since its inception, I have been longing to have one of the "wonders of the world." Everyone, whoever mattered had iPhone, and I wanted to be part of the herd, part of the mania. Been there, and done that! Finally, purchased an iPhone after long desperate months of waiting. Purchased one in US, the 3GS one. Could not get it unblocked for few months. Then, when I just got unblocked it, the new iPhone 4 came out and darkened my bright happiness of having new and wonderful iPhone.... Oh well, poor me :) or is it just a punishment for being too greedy?! Anyways, iPhone 5 is coming people! ha ha, J/K

The real life behind those windows

After quitting form my highly paid job, I have returned to the ground.

I'm saying it, not because I was up high flying in the sky, but I was somewhere different than real life.
My job was contained within 4 corporate walls. While crunching unknown numbers and coming up with unreal answers, "life was still running and world was turning" around my life.
Since April, I have observed so much and thought many thoughts on how life is and how people live in Mongolia. Up above in the large corporate world, everything seemed so different. I wouldn't say it is better or worse, but unrealistic. I was confined in unreal world and finally I have come out of my cocoon and realized I wasn't a butterfly, I was a moth, he he he. However, being a moth, it is so much realistic and soothing to my brain, than being a corporate butterfly.
I admit, big corporations pay big and request big. Too much hassle, stress, and so little susceptibility. Thus, my next move on real-life path would be to step up a bit and organize my own business.
Just like a song:
"I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad ... I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Opera and the Queen,
...I swear the world better prepare For when I'm a billionaire ..."

Real Apologies

Dear small group of friends and whoever read my blog,

I apologize for long absence and not updating my blog for last 2 months. It been a crazy few months, so much happened. so much done and undone. Changes in my career, family, life, love etc. In short, I was f... busy... so no whining! He he he, just kidding... I had limited Internet access and no time , so sorry folks. I will keep up my blog in good order and condition from now on. Thank you for returning to my blog and your patience! Cheers!

Stereo MC's - Connected

One of the coolest songs from 90s.

A Beautiful Love Meant To Be (T.S)

Found this beautiful poem on originalpoetry.com and wanted to share it with you.

His heart was a fortress,nothing could get through,
No one else could cause him further sorrow too.
The battlements were fortified,the armaments were set.
True Love hadn't broken through his defenses yet.


He was able to keep people at a distance to protect his emotional state,
But life wasn't really all that great.
He'd lie to himself and say I'm doing alright,
Even though his tears flowed freely at night.

Past heartaches had put steel bars upon his heart,
Loneliness was slowly tearing him apart.
Upon these troubles he would stew,
As he prayed for a love that was true.

God had compassion on this simple man,
Because he had a divine plan.
This simple man met an amazing woman
Through a poetry website,
Who filled his heart and mind with delight.

Her kind caring words and compasionate soul,
Lifted this man out of his woe.
As they talked their friendship began to start,
She restored the broken pieces of his shattered heart.

With affection she lifted his spirit and brought it into the light,
A flame of love in his heart she began to ignite.
Her love removed the bars from his heart,
Restored his faith in Love and gave it a fresh start.

He said to her the three magic words of love,
Inspired by feelings placed in his heart by his heavenly father above.
She expressed her affection and love so true,
His heart opened up and then he knew.

The beautiful love they shared was meant to be,
For the simple man in this story is me.

T.S.

Shopping in UB

Seriously, guys! Whoever run shopping business in Mongolia, should consider prolonging the opening times of their stores. Stores closing at 7.30 -8.00 pm? What the heck!

I finish my job at 6pm. Want to shop after that, but almost all stores, especially clothing stores are closed! The one that is still open is State Department Store. I believe they work until 9pm or so. However, their choice of goods is limited. Most clothing lines are "brand names" and they cost twice as much as in US! My favorite shops close at 8pm. Shall I shop on weekends? But everybody else does the same, so the crowd and traffic is crazy on those days. Any solution? To prolong the opening hours! It is a win-win situation for store owners and shoppers as well. How come nobody is doing that? Weird!

Don't judge me

When you're in 30s and single

I meant to write on this topic for a long time now, but never had the time to sit down and do so. So, I guess this is one of the attributes being in 30s. You are constantly busy. You're loaded with work, taking care of your kid(s), helping out your parents. And plus, if you're single, you're trying to manage to meet someone new. It is ironic, hilarious, and sad.

Well, on this post, I want you (who are not 30 yet, or has been 30 sometime ago) either to dive into the world of 30 something or just remember what it was like when YOU were at this age.

Kids. Managing and nurturing children is tough job! I admit. I have one child, it is tough to figure out ways to guide and be a good mentor. How my parents managed to bring up two kids, while working, cannot imagine :), but me and my brother turned out to be OK. Now, it is my turn to bring up my child. Confused. How, when, what? I'm at the age when I do not know enough, but independent enough to carry out my own life-decisions.

Finance. By age 30, most of us own our own property, be it house to live in or office to work. It gives us additional security and boosts the self-esteem. Financial independence in 30s is more common than when you were in 20s. Now, you can buy anything you want, do anything you want, and don't have to ask for $20 bill from your parents :)

Sex. Sex life becomes more enjoyable. Now, you know what you want, when you want it and with whom. When you are single, you have the freedom to choose with whom to mate. I think it is one of the positive side of being loner at 30s. Moreover, you know your body well enough to have actually and truly enjoy sex.

Character. The personality and characteristics are already settled in 30s. Now, you are who you are and will be for the rest of the life. Except, exceptionally few major events, nothing will change who you are. I already have my principles settled, goals set, ideas and opinions established, and nothing will move me from them. When you are single, you have gotten used to doing things yourself, so you are more independent, strong, but at the same time more aloof.

Last but not least, it is great being single and 30!

I tried to cheat...

There was one time when I tried to cheat :) Well, I think it is OK to talk about this incident now, as I have separated from my husband few years ago. I just would like to share the story with you and it is up to you if you enjoy it, learn from it, or just forget it after reading it.

Well, it was warm summer day. I was about to be married to my boyfriend and leave to study abroad.
The initial excitement of our relationship was down and it was turned into routine traditions of every couple. Home, work, home and again work, causal sex now and then. We used to live with our parents, so he used to come late evenings only. He told me he was always busy, but I guess he felt uneasy living with his in-laws. Plus, as we went along his affection and care have gotten smaller, lower, or colder, whatever you wanna name it. I was tired of begging him to kiss me, hold me, etc.

Well, anyways, I think most of you who are married or in long-term relationships understand the setting I was in. Then, that warm summer day, my ex called me. He was in US, as far as I knew, and I was pretty surprised to hear from him. We talked this and that, exchanged greetings etc. and he invited me for a coffee.

I was excited. Probably, it was just gloomy days ,that I was spending with my boyfriend, and I just wanted to have some momentum excitement. So, I agreed to meet my ex. Bad decision No. 1.
I wanted to see him, as we had good time. It was nice to see him. We had coffee, he had nostalgic chat, remembering the good times in the past.

Then, he invited me to see the renovation of his old apartment. This apartment was virtually was our home, when we used to date and it was just few 100 meters away. So, I agreed. Bad decision No.2.
When we went inside, it was all furniture covered in plastic bags, and floors in white dust from the renovation works. But no one in sight. I asked him, where are the builders and workers. He told me they were off for today. So he knew the house was empty. He held my hand and led me to his old room. It brought sweet memories of when we used to laugh, cuddle, and sleep. Even though, there were no old furniture left, I could close my eyes, and passed months and years would have gone, and I could still see and smell his old room, just like in movies. Then, he kissed me. My heart was racing and ready to explode. He have kissed me so many times before, I was used to it, I knew it, I tasted his lips before like thousand times. But, it was all different this time. He tasted different, his kisses seemed different. I loved my boyfriend, but couldn't resist he kiss of my ex. Somehow, I felt guilty inside, while kissing my ex. It didn't give me the pleasure as it used to. Bad decision No. 3.
It was obvious, he wanted me. My ex was coming on to me. I panicked. I felt guilty. It didn't feel right. I was shacking, I was fighting. My thoughts ran like a lighting through my head "I didn't want this to happen, and how come I am here?" Now, I did not want that excitement that I was so eager to get. It was all wrong.
After a while, I jumped off from him, wiping my mouth from his kisses. Probably, I looked mad, as he stared at me as if I were. I said "I am sorry, I can't." I fixed my hear, my clothes, and ran out from his apartment. My heart was restless and beating like drum. I was shacking. "What if my boyfriend saw me going in with him? What if he knew what I was doing? What if someone saw us and told him and he assumed I cheated on him?" Those were the random questions that murdered my brain in and out. I ran. I ran until the main road and got the taxi. I was scared. I didn't do the wrongdoing, but could be blames as. I could have lost my loved one and ruined my relationship. In the evening, was I like a little scared kitten. Couldn't go far from my BF, was hugging him, kissing him. Wanted his assurance that he still loves me. I have almost cheated on him. Bad decision No.4: actually gone and married my boyfriend :)
So, this is the story of me, when I got closest to cheating loved one. It taught me a lesson. As Mongolians say, "If you brave it do it, if not don't even start!"

Fun Facts about Mongolia

What I have found while surfing the net! Informative and funny :) Enjoy!

Mongolia
Density: 4.4 people/sq.m
Area: 1,564,116 sq.km
Population: 2,671,000
Macau (China)
Density: 48,003.5 people/sq.m
Area: 29.2 sq.km
Population: 541,200

Mongolia
Area 1,565,000 sq.km
Paved road 1,563 km
Railways 1,815 km
Netherlands
Area 41,526 sq.km
Paved road 104,850 km
Railways 2,808 km

In Mongolia gerbils are wild animals!

One Mongolian species, Meriones unguiculatus, also known as the Clawed Jird, is a gentle and hardy animal that has become a popular pet. It was first brought from China to Paris, France in the nineteenth century, and became a popular house pet. It was then brought to the United States in 1954 by Dr. Victor Schwentker for use in research.

No Offense

When you walk on the street and by accident bump into a person, don't be surprised if the other reaches for your hand. Just simply shake the hand or even just touch it to apologize and express that was indeed by accident. The same applies if your legs hit someone else's under the table.

Belt and belly

If you have trouble distinguishing a Mongolian man from a Chinese just by his face, try to discretely look down a little bit. If the person wears his belt on the belly you can be almost certain he is Chinese, but if the belt is below the belly, most probably you are dealing with a Mongolian!

Snooker animals
The horse and camel are very important animals in Mongolia. Even the bridges for playing snooker are called after them.

Walking phones

What the official statistics don't tell us are the very convenient walking phone booths: In the streets of Ulaanbaatar you will find a big number of so called MobiPhones. Their size is about two times a regular phone, but everywhere you see them at the small kiosks or people just sitting or walking around with them giving you the opportunity to phone for 100 tugrug.

Courtesy of www.mongoluls.net